Thursday, 30 March 2017

Snippet: Lover's Quarrel

Foxfire ground her teeth. "I'd prefer not to have someone on my ship that has a problem with me."

"I don't have a problem with you," Caid growled. "I am trying to work through something right now."

"I don't want someone who needs to deal with the way I look," Foxfire told him bluntly. "I am what I am, and make no excuses for that."

"You think I'm angry because you look different?" Caid rounded on her, suddenly furious. "Your soul crackles with energy that blazes brighter than the sun, a magnetic maelstrom that pulls me unceasingly towards you. When I look at you I can barely see past that magnificence; oh is your nose pert? I didn’t notice. What colour are your eyes? I can’t tell because I’m already lost in them. How full are your lips? The only thing I see is that sly smirk I’m already in love with.” Caid’s chest heaved as he rattled off the list and he sucked in a deep breath, trying to control his emotions. “I'm angry,” he said quietly, “because I was close enough to you to hear your heartbeat, to feel your breath in my body, and you didn't feel close enough to me to share such a basic part of yourself with me.” He took another breath and realised he was shaking. “I gave you all of me why didn’t-”

Foxfire hushed him with a finger over his lips. “These are only words, Caid,” she told him quietly, though her eyes burned with fire. “If you want to share my life you have to show me more, be there when I need you, be there when I want you, be there when I wake in an unfamiliar place from a serious injury.” She smiled wryly. “And not make me have to chase you down to see you.”

Caid’s eyes were serious. “You almost died,” he said, the emotion in his voice as deep as the sea.

"I told you it was dangerous,” Foxfire reminded him. “And that was the easy part.”

Caid wrapped his arms around her fiercely and Foxfire felt herself melt into his embrace. “Silly human, was that really so difficult?” Foxfire whispered.

“Sorry,” Caid murmured thickly.


I want to believe, that one day there will be a shining beacon in the sky that blazes over our world, and just simply says "Live". And the message beyond that would be you in particular, yes you, live.

Don't believe in the construct any further than it helps you achieve your goals in this world. Don't believe in the social machine that tries to crush you every single second while growing up, that tells you that you have no place in the world, that there's enough, that you're not needed, that it's already done. Don't let the others who are jaded push you in the dirt, and make it stick to the soul of you. Brush yourself off. They are the lesser ones, not you. It's no trial to not believe in life. It's no trial to give up. It's no trial to be dedicated to nothing. And it's a crime against the very spirit within you to be all those things. The world of them. The world is hate and lies, and violence and death and rage and that little tiny pettiness that crushes you when your spirit tries to stand. That puts its boot on your shoulders.

Don't listen to the world.

Listen to the love. Listen to the kindness. Listen to hope. Listen to the dreams. Listen to those tiny voices that cry out in the night. Listen to the lights. Listen to yourself.

Don't be the world. Don't be another faceless victim, because then you really won't matter any more. Or ever. And you'll pass that hollow idea down as you fall. That idea that dreams are impossible, unless they are petty and mean and step on other people. That money if your only saviour. That kindness and compassion are not reality.

Don't believe it. Don't let it take root in your soul, no matter what you have to do. Run, hide, lock that part of you away, pretend, lie, make them think you are one of them. Put on the face and do the dance. But don't for a minute believe it. In your soul you know the truth, even if it's the hardest thing to keep alive, don't forget it. That this world is built on hope and dreams and everything in between. That this world is bleeding beauty into our souls even as we fill it with hate. That dreams, real dreams, crazy dreams, dream that have grounding in what we know, dreams that startle the mind and blaze across the sky, all these dreams are possible. Are necessary.

Life isn't about being hammered down until you convert. Life is about blazing until everything shrinks back at the light. About standing tall until you bleed, because the one person that sees you is the one that will join you. About doing all the little things until your muscles scream and your teeth ache. About waiting one more day.

Life isn't going to be easy. It's going to be hard. It's going to be tough. But if you look at it just right, you'll hit that alley that leads forward. To something greater than you ever dreamed.

You can't give up before you get there.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

One Justifies One's Path

It was as though I looked out upon a sea of faces, and every eye was shining. Their hearts filled with the dream of an impossible hope, a life filled with meaning and excitement and passion that the very stars could not contain. And every dim and darkened candle in that place rose up, for it was as though someone had lit a torch in every heart, and their souls blazed brighter than the sun.

Her Voice as Lightning Tamed by Silk

I wrote in a love interest today. She thought she was a moth but she was a butterfly with wings of majestic iridescence and beauty.

She didn't see me, though. She saw right through me, past my heart and beyond, and she knew better. I knew better. Everyone always knows better.

I don't care about better. To live is to be in the moment, to hope, to love, to feel beauty, even in the midst of despair. Everyone always knows better. Everyone always sees reality.

I hate it.

But I don't want to be a false light in the dark. I wish I could wish it away, awry, anew, and not be anything to you. To leave you alone, let you be, but I don't understand that part of me.

The part that every day I look at people and wish I could tell them they're beautiful, because they are. And have them know that in the depth of their soul nothing else matters except that light in themselves. That they sometimes can't see, but still shines like a lantern for others.

And that one person I want to hold and say "If you knew it, you could light the world with your smile, like you light my world."

But I don't know her. I don't want to be a false light in the dark. I want to be the sun that never burns her, just holds her in my heart.