I saw the finale of an old show today and I realised that there are some endings I just don't like. Not because they're poorly thought out or somehow unrealistic, but because they hit the note of things being over. Just...done. And that leaves me in mourning over what's been lost.
I know things change and the world moves on, but when you take a cast of characters, people who've been through thick and thin, and you just...disband them, it's like saying "this time will never come again".
Every part of me seems to rebel against that simple reality. It's a timeless constant of the universe that moments once experienced, will never be repeated. There is no groundhog day, no replay of yesterday, and yet every time I delve into the unknown to bring forth something from my imagination, it's with the intent of bringing people together, through excitement and adventure and peril, to forge bonds, connections that will last, no matter what may come.
And when my stories do end, they end with an open door, a new frontier, a lifetime of adventure waiting.
I think in some part this is why my casts are often small. If I gather up four or six people it's hardly an ensemble, and if a pair of those characters end up together it rarely feels like a breaking when it's all over.
This feels like a strange revelation to me though. I've known for a while that what I really wish for is to have my loved ones close, to be in a time and space where all my friends are near and it would be a simple matter to meet up to do something, or simply chat. And all my endeavours, on some basic level, are towards the hope of achieving that.
But I wonder if that's simply a refusal of reality. Moreover, I wonder if that's the reason for some of my most dearly held ideals. The notion that the human race could achieve great things if it came together may still originate from this deep seated need to gather, to bond, to share and explore and build.
And I wonder if that's stupid, and childish, and immature. And that I need to wake up to the realities of the world and say "goodbye!" to yesterday and these deeply etched wounds on my heart.
...
I think...I think my answer is no.
Or maybe I just don't care.
If I am a child living as a man, then so be it. Because that child within believes in a world where everything good and joyful and wonderful can be manifest. Where we can build beyond our skies into our dreams, and find all those things we could never allow ourselves to believe in, waiting for us. Where we can wake up and look around and be at one with the world and all that dwells within it.
Where I can have a world where I don't have to say goodbye. Except for the hand of nature, or evil, or the smallness of hate.
And where one day, far in the future, perhaps those last two won't have to be counted.
